Updates
by VampGrlz271
Summary: Since putting updates on the profile isn't working out too well....this will have to do! Check this minutely, hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly...whatever pleases you! Just don't forget about it. :D Thanksies! Reviews and suggestions welcome.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, all

**Hi, all you young whippersnappers (technically, you guys should be calling me a whippersnapper seeing as most of you are probably older than little 3 year old me, but eh!) This is Tirzah, diligent student (pshaw) and art dude by day, and beloved author by most of the afternoon and night speaking...rather, typing!**

**This uber-tastic fan fic is...drum roll, please? –Drum roll- Yes, thank you...**

**NOT REALLY A FAN FIC! Isn't that exciting? **

**It's an update...thingy! This is where I shall post all of my updates from now on. Julia will post here too if she wishes, for after all –waves hand dismissively- we **_**do**_** share VampGrlz271. **

**So, whenever we want to post an update about our stories or one-shots, an update about new stories or (gee) new one-shots, birthdays, and other super-tastic crap, this is the place to look! Come 'ere if you really love our stuff, or just feel pity for us and read our stuff because well, you pity us and our horrible writing (have you **_**seen**_** the first 16 chapters of "Forever Mine"? On second thought, don't look if you haven't already.) **

**So, this-ee here is the place to come for updates. Any updates. Cool updates, sad updates, stupid updates (stupid updates will be the majority, seeing as I **_**do**_** adore penguins and kumquats and both seem to find a way to star in nearly every single one of my updates, therefore making them stupid...)**

**Originally, updates were posted on our profile, and until Julia learns of this update thingy, I think she still will post 'em there. Unfortunately, no one really reads the updates seeing as we're not very popular on this website so I suspect no one really visits our profile. However, if you'd like to visit the profile (and please do), you'll find some really wacky (I LOVE THAT WORD) quotes from good times with our friends. You are more than welcome to use some of the phrases from the quotes, but give credit to us and our friends! Thanksies.**

**Oh and before I wrap this up, this is in the Twilight section because putting aside the fact that lots of these updates will be stupid, they'll be doing with Twilight to. **

**...Uh, well. You don't really have to review seeing as there's nothing to review **_**about**_**, but if you'd like to receive these updates, you might want to alert this story, or save this story on your story alerts...I don't know the correct verb. Just do it (that's what she said.)**

**Thank you, dearies! –Tips awesome new purple glasses politely-**


	2. Update Number One

Update Number One

**Update Number One**

**Greetings!**

**Update number one! **

**So. A couple things. 3 or nine.**

**One: It's Julia's birthday today! She is officially 14, and I was officially 13 on September 29! Yeay. **

**Two: Please oh please oh please oh please, please, PLEASE go to our homepage, or website. It's on freewebs, and we're VampGrlz271 on there too. The link is on our profile; we'd love you forever if you'd leave a comment in the Guestbook. **

**Three: My dear ol' Abba (father in Hebrew, for I am a proud Jew...it's Yom Kippur!) has gotten me **_**Jane Eyre**_** by Charlotte Bronte from the library! Also, I think he might have gotten me **_**Wuthering Heights**_**! –Excited- -Very excited-**

**Four: Say hello to me on Facebook! I'm Tirzah Sochtziyeh on there. No, that's not my last name; it's my middle name. It means "Sarah" in Russian...personally, I wish my parents had just given me the middle name "Sarah", but no. Don't ask me how to pronounce it; I can't explain over the internet. I have to really sound it out for you. XD**

**Five: I have been introduced to the bands Incubus, The Fray, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Fall Out Boy, Jimmy Eat World, Nine Days, and We The Kings. If any of you know good songs by any of them, tell me! I want to know.**

**Six: I have some good ideas for my story, "Forever Mine". Stay tuned.**

**Seven: I'm a little stuck on "A Whole New World". It's going to take a while for me with that one. **

**Eight: "Darkeinu" is coming along quite smoothly, and a new chapter will be out really soon; I'm working on it as I type. Stay tuned!**

**Nine: Penguin...kumquat.**

**Mmmkay, dears. That's it for today. Stay tuned to this story...thing for more updates! Yus.**


	3. Update Number Two

**Shalom (it means "peace", "hello", and "goodbye" in Hebrew), my dearies! I should be in state of near death or starvation seeing as it is Yom Kippur for me and my fellow Jews...but I'm not! Because I do not need to fast, seeing as I am not Bat Mitzvah yet. –Yus-**

**A couple things. More like 5 or something. **

**So...**

**One: Happy Yom Kippur to all you Jewish people out there, and good day to all of you people who aren't but I still love! :D Seriously. Have a good day, under penalty of death (oxymoron, in a way.) **

**Two: Ohmyeffingahd...MEDIC DRIOD IS SUCHA GOOD BAND.**

**Three: **_**EUREKA!**_** I am not stuck on A Whole New World anymore. I have ideas. I am going to finish up the next chapter, where Xavier is talking to our favorite twins, Dae and Anty. And then after that chapter, I am going to write **_**the last chapter**_**. I am going to skip to June, where they finish their year of High School. But do not despair, dear readers! There **_**will**_** be a sequel. I have no idea **_**what**_** the hey the title will be, but I'll think of something. The sequel will be somewhat like New Moon. Heh heh, that's right. Damien and Anthony **_**or**_** Raelain and Julieta leave for a little while. But not for the reasons Edward left. Oh, you'll see...**

**Four: Forever Mine is going to be wrapped up soon! A couple more chapters. I'd say maybe like 4 or 5 or something, and then that will be it. There will probably be a sequel, and the title will probably be something along the lines of, "Red Oaks Summer Camp". Title is self explanatory. –Evil smile-**

**Five: This is concerning Three and Four. Unfortunately, I might not be able to finish these stories up seeing as my Bat Mitzvah **_**is**_** approaching (November) and I have a hell of a lot of work to do for it. I have to write a speech on the Torah portion I'm reading (erghaghickghblech), I have to learn said Torah portion, and I have to learn the service (which is not easy because it's around 100 pages to memorize.) So, I am busy, putting it shortly.**

**Six: It was Julia's birthday yesterday! WEE!**

**Thank you one, thank you all! **


	4. Update Number Three

Update Number THREE

**Update Number THREE!**

**One: Three is a lucky number, so expect some seriously good news.**

**Two: Whenever I use the word **_**ripsnorting**_**, if saying in your head or aloud makes you feel stupid, substitute it with **_**completely freaking awesome.**_** Good.**

**Three: In March, I am going to Israel with my whole grade. Do not be alarmed. No airplane staff will be injured in the process, for Rebecca, Sara, and I will be completely under control...or **_**will**_** we?**

**Four: In March, when I do go to Israel with my grade of 47 kids or so, I will probably beg or bribe my parents to let me take my laptop. While there is no guarantee of new chapters in March (because dearies, I have no clue how to connect to an Israeli router), I will be writing new chapters. So. Be happy. Celebrate. Eat muffins.**

**Five: I have discovered new bands! My favorites: Quietdrive, Breaking Benjamin, Evanescence, Foo Fighters, Jefferson Airplane, Jimmy Eat World, the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Run Kid Run, and We the Kings. Oh, they have JOLLY good music, oh yes they do. –Ho hum- **

**Six: I hate it when my laptop corrects my grammar. MY FREAKING GRAMMAR ARE COMPLETELY FINE, AND I NO NEEDS CORRECTIONING. Gawsh. **

**Seven: For Halloween, I am being a Super Nerd. I will find white tape to put on my glasses, a huge plaid shirt of my dad's with a pocket in front for some pens, and a protractor and my handy-dandy calculator I use for school. I have some jeans that are too big for me, so I will wear those and pull them up to my naval (heee heee heee. I said **_**naval**_**) and my old, beat up Pumas. It will be awesome. Muffins are awesome. Therefore, it will be muffin.**

**Eight: One of my most favorite songs ever is White and Nerdy by "Weird Al" Yankovic. He is a genius. **

**Mmmmmkay. These are practically all pointless, but then again, practically all the updates on my profile were pointless too. So, review if you wanna say something about anything. Reviewing never hurt anyone! Unless you decided to say, I don't know, bang your head on the keyboard or something.**


	5. Update Number Four

**Hello, hello, hello! You probably are all thinking that I have disappeared off the face off the Earth. Or at least, you probably **_**were**_** thinking that before reading this. Because as you can all see, I still exist! You not rid me yet. **

**So. Updates!**

**One: I was **_**going**_** to write a Halloween one-shot, and I was going to try to make it a lemon, but I decided that I'd rather watch the movie **_**The Exorcism of Emily Rose**_**. Best movie ever. No joke.**

**Two: I have a new, Twilight un-related story! It's **_**The Perfect**__**Match**_** and it's my own original idea. As of now, it is copy righted. I put it in the Book X-Overs section because I couldn't find any other place. Seriously, this website should have **_**just**_** a Misc. category for random stories and what not. Bleh. So, check it out please! I have one review, and I posted it on like, the first of November...**

**Three: I have a good idea for a Twilight story. :D I take Twilight, and for every chapter, I come up with some sort of parody! I'll get my friend Rebecca to help me, because if you read the profile, you will see that Rebecca is a very hilarious person. Possibly Sara; I don't know about Julia because she's more obsessed with NCIS but we'll see. :D So, for every chapter in Twilight, I'll come up with some of parody. I'll try that with New Moon, Eclipse, and BREAKING DAWN. Egahd! So, eeeeee. **

**Four: This is not meant to taken as bragging, or boasting. I'm not trying to rub it in any Republican's faces. I just want to say that I am so freaking happy that Obama is president. I mean, can you believe it? Our first black president! EEEE!**

**Five: I just want to thank anyone who's reading this, and reads my and Julia's stories in general. We and **_**I**_** love you for reading everything! Thank you!**

**Mmmmmkay. That's it. Look out for more chapters for **_**Forever Mine, A Whole New World, The Perfect Match, **_**and **_**The Twilight Parodies.**_

**Yay! Be excited. **


	6. Update Number Five

**Update Number Five (FIVE!)**

**Ehm, 'ello. I am 'ere to say, ehm, how you say? Ehm...ah, yase. To, ehm, ehm, post more updates, you say? Ehm, yase.**

**One: So! HELLO! How are you? **

**Two: I'm starting the second chapter of The Twilight Parodies. There will a New Moon Parody story thang, same for Eclipse and Breaking Dawn! OMFE (Oh My Effin Edward), SQUEAL!**

**Three: I am officially converting Forever Mine and A Whole New World into Third Person POV. It's oh so easier, and I can write quicker. **

**Four: If you value what little sanity I possess, (after all, what good is an insane author?) you'll check out my story **_**The Perfect Match**_**. It's original, therefore making it not a fan fiction, but a story. So, it's on the wrong website. XDDD But bear with me, please.**

**Five: I am writing a one-shot about Bella's transformation. It's a different version. Definitely not Breaking Dawn style. You see, I had a nightmare or two after reading Steph's version of Bella's transformation. Quite frankly...it freaked me out, despite the fact that I adore anything to do with séances, ghosts, vampires, and supernatural hoo-ha. However, I have a fear of needles. So, I guess it is okay. The one-shot's name is **_**Change Me Lovely**_** and I hope to finish it by Sunday.**

**Six: MY BRAIN IS BURSTING WITH IDEAS FOR **_**The Perfect Match. **_**Eeehee!**

**Seven: I like pie.**

**Eight: By Sunday, I will be able to concentrate more on writing! Be happy! BE EXCITED! EAT MUFFINS!**

**Nine: OhMySweetMuffinyGoodness. The Twilight movie is out TODAY!! I cannot see it though because I have to get sleep in order for tomorrow to turn out a-okay. So, I'm seeing it next Wednesday. ^-^ Robert Pattinson is not sexy. Cam and Taylor are. But Robert is faaaaar from sexy. **

**Mmmmkay. That's it, reader dearies! Review if you want to. Just click the weird review button that is most likely right under this:**

**KJSGFAFJBASLFMBALJGBKLJGBKJSAFB **


	7. Update Number Six

**Update Six. Uh. Wee.....**

**Yeah, hi. Author's note. **

"**You're violating site rules. Read them. Notices are not allowed. Imagine if everyone decided to post random note. Then this place would be overrun with junk instead of actual stories. Delete this thing or I'll report it for abuse. If I do that, your account will get suspended."**

**- "Jess"**

**So, I wake up on the morning of my BM, and what do I find in my mailbox, but an oh so lovely review from some weirdo named "Jess". I never did like the name "Jess."  
****Reminds me of Jessica Stanley.  
****I honestly think "Jess" was PMSing.  
**"**Jess", if you're reading this, I hope you feel better soon.**

**Anyways.**

"**Jess" says that if I'm violating the site rules by having this "random note" on here. I'd like to say that I personally think I am not. This is not "random". It has to do with my fan fiction stories, which **_**would be**_** why it's called "Updates". I post updates about my stories here because posting them on my profile didn't work for me. And then it **_**does**_** have random words or phrases like, "I like pie."**

**Oh, no.  
****How awful.  
****I like pie.  
****Whatever shall we do?**

**So, what "Jess" had ordered me to do is delete "this thing" or she'll report "this thing" and my account will get suspended. What say you, oh faithful readers? I'm opening a poll on my profile. **

**I'd like to thank "Jess" for being so kind as to order me to delete this.**

**Oh, "Jess". Whatever would I do without you?**

**So. This will probably get deleted as I do love my account. Nevertheless, the poll will be opened.**

**Okay. So. Bye. Happy November 22. **

**-Tirzah**


	8. Update Number Seven

**Updates!**

**One: So, I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas even though I'm Jewish, and I'd like to bid everyone a Happy Hanukkah, because yeah, you guessed it! I'm Jewish. –Pumps fist in the air- Woot woot.**

**Two: Oh, snap to all who've been threatening to report me. Hasn't happened yet, and probably won't happen. –Evil cackle- I wonder if I just jinxed that...**

**Three: Uh....**

**Four: Wait, no...wait, I've almost got it....**

**Five: Ah, right! Stories. I'm working on them. I mean, considering the fact that you just read four things above written by the one, the only **_**moi**_**, I'm not dead...**_**yet.**_** I'm thinking that if I piss off my younger brother any more, I will be. But, not yet! This is the part when you, like, cheer. Or throw your hats in the air. CELEBRATE.**

**Six: I have a Fiction Press account! ZOMG, I love it there. I love it here too, but you know...Fiction Press totally rocks my argyle socks. Yes. My socks are argyle. They're like black, white, and magenta argyle, and they kick arse. Back to my FP account, I posted my pride and joy there, **_**Match**_**. **_**Match**_** and a couple other select stories of mine are what I'm working on right now. I find it easier to create my own, original stories than to build off of Twilight and other stuff like that. But hey. I'm working on **_**Forever Mine **_**and **_**A Whole New World**_**. Julia is more into NCIS right now (IloveNCISwithallmywittlefangirlheart) than Twilight. But we're trying on **_**Darkeinu.**_** So, my Fiction Press account name is XMCRxForeverX. Super sick dizzle, eh? Indeed it is! Check it out.**

**Seven: Now, I don't know BLARGH about what you people think of **_**Maximum Ride**_**, by James Patterson, but I love it. Right now, I think I might like it a **_**bit**_** more than Twilight, but I'm not sure. I mean, James is a genius. I love the first three books, and I have yet to get my hands on the fourth. But right now....it's my life, baby. **_**Maximum Ride**_** all the way!**

**Eight: It saddens me that there are no Twilight Hanukkah Specials. **

**Nine: Mmmkay, so, yeah. Happy Christmas, and Merry Hanukkah to all! Rock on. Go with the flow. Peace. **


	9. Update Number Eight FREAKIN IMPORTANT

**IMPORTANT UPDATE/NEWS:**

**I have a new chapter for **_**Forever Mine**_**, and I was nearly finished with another chapter for **_**A Whole New World.**_** However, those will have to wait. This is coming from the old, crappy family desktop in my basement. My laptop is seriously screwed up. I have no idea when I'll be able to actually post and finish my chapters, let alone work on my individual stories for anyone who had enough heart to check out **_**Match**_** since yesterday. **

**I am SO, so sorry. I'll try to get my laptop fixed as soon as possible, and then I **_**will**_** get everything up.**

**Thank you all for understanding, and for reading my stories, and just for being there. You're all awesome!**

**With love,**

**Tirzah**


	10. Update Nine

**Hi. Tirzah here. **

**Wow.**

**It's been a long time.**

**-Shifty eyes- **

**So anyways, -sinks slowly behind desk while speaking- you all have no idea how sorry I am that I haven't updated for what…over a year? Nearly two years? Ack, I apologize. And I virtually throw millions of cookies and crap at you. –Hopes I'm forgiven-**

**But anyhoodles, I'm just not that into Twilight anymore. I mean, in case you guys haven't noticed. So, I decided that I'd quit updating for my stories. I mean, in case you guys haven't noticed. And then I completely forgot to tell you guys until now. Once again, sorry, and in case you guys haven't noticed. See, I just don't like it as much. The movie kind of killed it for me. **

**What I've been up to is obsessing over Harry Potter (never thought I would. But then again, when I was in Kindergarten, I thought I'd never be 13. Evidently, I was sorely mistaken), a helluva lotta writing on fictionpress (look me up, I'm DecemberShoshan), reading a lot of books, going to camp and basically putting off doing this. Hey, I can't help it. I procrastinate for everything. Writing to friends at camp, sleeping, updating on fictionpress, homework…everything.**

**So again, I apologize I haven't shared anything with any of you for a while and I'm still alive, ohmigahd wee, and I just wanted to say hello. If you want to verbally kill me, or track me down and physically kill me with various kitchen appliances (no fridges, wouldn't want you all to strain yourselves) then feel free. Just keep in mind, I have a killer rabbit. **

**Anyways, bye, and stay in school and all that crap.**

**-Tirzah**


End file.
